Double double toil and trouble

My husband quoted Shakespeare the other day. I know. I was shocked too. We were discussing potential names for our second daughter who is due in three weeks when he threw out the famous, "What's in a name?" line from William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.  My heart soared with admiration and I immediately fell in love with him all over again ... and then he said "Hey! Isn't that a line from somewhere?"

Seriously.

Now maybe this isn't a big deal to the average person but Shakespeare is sort of "my thing". My Master's degree focused on Shakespeare. My favorite class to teach is Shakespeare. My favorite shows to direct or perform in are Shakespeare. So, yeah, I am a little bias towards The Bard.  In fact, I've always just assumed that most of the general population knows at least something Shakespearean. But after that fateful day, I've begun to question people's familiarity with the greatest playwright of all time.  I mean, is it really possible that there ARE people out there who don't know that "What's in a name?" comes from Romeo and Juliet and/or that Romeo and Juliet is written by William Shakespeare?

If these people exist, I feel obligated to hunt them down and educate them. To do this, we will need a plan. First we will need to find them. I doubt these people will voluntarily step forward so we need some other way to separate them from those of us that know The Bard. I think we can easily do this at the next election. Instead of ballots for "Republican" or "Democrat", we will make them for "Knows Something About Shakespeare" and "Huh?"

Next, we will quarantine the "Huh?"s. Yes, we will have to quarantine them because we can't have their friend whisper "To be or not to be" in their ear when we aren't looking and then have them pass it off as if they know that line. Once they are all in one place, I can teach them what "thy" means and what exactly is iambic pentameter. I can recite monologues and enact scenes and tell them why Iago hated Othello so much. I can teach them history incorrectly, as written in the history plays and convince them that the nephews of Richard III still haunt the Tower of London.

Oh it will be glorious! Young men and women will woo each other in sonnet form once again and we will remember that a "comedy" doesn't always have to make you laugh but it should have at least one sex-related joke. You don't have to pay me.  Honestly.  I'll do it for free.  My pay will be the joy I have in just knowing that I have enriched the lives of, um, hundreds? Thousands? Millions?  Oh no.  Not millions?!  There can't possibly be millions of people who don't know at least a little Willy. Can there? Oh dear. I better get started.  Let's start with YOU.

Which ballot would you like?