Today is my last day of work.  No, not forever or even indefinitely, but for the near future.  For the past ten years I have been a teacher.  I have taught at five different schools, ranging in diversity, socio-economic class and geographical location.  The longest amount of time I have been away from a classroom during these last ten years was to have my daughter at the end of March in 2008, take 2 months off of work and then have summer vacation with her before returning to my post that fall.  Today is the last day of work before summer break at my current place of employment.  The difference between today and all other last days of work before summer breaks is that, when I walk out of here today, I am not walking back in here in the fall.

I’m due to have our second child on July 18^th (35 days, not counting today…but who’s counting at all?).  With a newborn and a four year old at home, the high price of day care and the low salary of teachers in the south, returning to work in the fall was a ludicrous idea.  I would barely make enough money to support putting my daughters in child care and frankly, the hassle of getting them there before I have to report to school (at 6:55am!) was just going to be too much.  I applied for a year of Parental Leave which guarantees me a job in a year but can’t tell me where that job is or in what capacity.  I know not returning to my secure teaching position in the fall is the best decision, but I find that conflicting emotions are toying with me today.

When I was little I used to sit my stuffed animals and Cabbage Patch Dolls up in rows, grab a ruler and a piece of paper and conduct “school”.  I don’t know how much I taught them, but I do know that they were much quieter than my classes these days!  When it came time to choose a career, I never dreamt of doing anything other than teaching.  I knew it was my calling and I willingly answered the call.

As today slowly creeps to a close, I find that I am happy, excited and even nervous at the prospect of a year away from the classroom.  Believe me, I know just how incredibly blessed I am that I get to stay home next year.  If we still lived in New England, this would not be a possibility simply due to the high cost of living and the fact that I earned so much more teaching up there.  Down here though, I am thrilled to begin this new adventure as a temporary Stay At Home Mom. 

But, (there is always a “but”), I also fear that I will be really bad at it.  I thrive on being busy, being social, and, mostly, on using my intelligence.  What if my brain atrophies during my hiatus?! 

As much as I have complained over the past ten years, I truly love being an educator.  I love being able to tell people that I am a teacher and it is certainly something that has defined me over the years.  Now, on the brink of at least one year without work, I wonder, “What will define me now?”  “What will I say when someone asks me ‘what do you do?’”  Will it be enough to say “I’m a mom”?

Yeah.  I think so.